Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
