Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
