Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
