I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
be right there i have to get my cape
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
