I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
