I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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