If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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