he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
