I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm sobbing to NWA
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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