he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
