the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
