You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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