i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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