ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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