considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
