just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
