dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
handjob tips. give me some.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
you made out with another girl for some wings
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
