soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
