We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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