You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
