I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
