I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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