i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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