Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
