Don't you send me to vm
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize