if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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