How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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