is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
So many bounce houses so little time
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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