There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
