Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
