I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize