I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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