I want to make a zoo with you.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
