oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
