my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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