What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
