That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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