Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
