And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
