the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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