i just had sex bonerless
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you mean i was at the winter classic?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
