So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
