Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
