Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
