so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
