my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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