two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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