My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The beer is more important than you right now.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
