Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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