Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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