Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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