Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
The best revenge is premature balding
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
