Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
