I seem to have left my pride at pride
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
