Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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