you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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