He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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