I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
