I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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