No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
