I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Blood and glitter go together right?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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