I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
