so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
