I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
