Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
