i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
