You just made me feel so damn special
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize