we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
don't judge my taste in strippers
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
