I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
