Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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