I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
it hurts more in the daytime
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
