Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
