just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
